


and nothing hurt

by seekingjets



Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: A goodbye story, G1 based, M/M, Not Beta Read, suicidal idealization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 16:31:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18237419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekingjets/pseuds/seekingjets
Summary: Skyfire is trapped and only Starscream can help.





	and nothing hurt

“You've got to be kidding me!”

Starscream is not amused, neither are the other Decepticons present in the nauseatingly orange interior of the Autobot based. Megatron looks to be chewing glass by the constant flex of his jaw, truce or no truce, being so near Optimus Prime with both their weapons just out of reach was doing nothing for his composure.

They were lucky and equally unlucky that it was only Soundwave laying there on the exam table, strung up with wires and scans to monitor their condition. If more had been afflicted by the human scientist's chaotic attack Megatron might be out there. Leaving smears of screaming bodies as a reminder why earth had cause to fear.

That it was only Soundwave meant the Decepticon leader have no choice but fold in agreement with the Autobots - as they held the cards in this embarrassment.

The human cause of this trouble had been clever, Starscream would have liked to taken notes. Whatever device the insect built that successfully left Soundwave a mere lump of metal on the table was surely fascinating. Troublesome that Ironhide had the forethought to smash the device, a brute through and through. (No fun) Whatever it had been, Soundwave was at least not alone.

Skyfire looked terribly large on the floor as no table was broad enough to accommodate his size. Pathetic, pale and unmoving as the Decepticon intelligence officer who had been engaged in battle with the shuttle as the human activated their toy. Putting a startling halt to the faction skirmish when Soundwave hit the floor. The the Autobots rushing to spare the human enemy from Decepticon retaliation, not yet realizing one of their own had also been injured.

It seemed the human scientist hadn't really cared which side he hit, just wanted to bring one of them down even at the cost of his own life. Starscream mourned the opportunity to grant him a violent end. Not out of any vengeance for Soundwave but as retaliation for insult to their ranks. A fleshy lump thinking it was worth invading their war...

Which left them with one unconscious Soundwave and one Skyfire - who seemed to be the root of the problem. A great white mass of bad memories and bitterness laid out for all to see. Unmoving, just as he was when trapped in ice for so long. Starscream could almost imagine frost forming across his dull eyes.

“You expect us to believe this?” Megatron's voice carried through the Autobot base, bright lights offending their optics.

“Believe what you want, but that's our diagnosis.” Wheeljack was daring to stand up to Megatron who only could snarl and glance back at Starscream for reassurance. Though it was hardly his field of expertise, he could at least concur with the presented data.

“Soundwave's consciousness seems to be trapped by whatever field is affecting Skyfire.” Even saying his name made Starscream want to retreat, but he would not dare shrivel before Megatron's watch. “Both systems are in panic trying to untangle, I predict a complete meltdown in...oooh…. Five hours. “

“Two.” Ratchet corrects with a scowl in his tone.

“Give or take.”

Soundwave's deteriorating condition was the only reason they agreed to this truce, bringing their fallen comrade to the Ark while Devastator and Superion waited outside, ready to smash into one another should either side get arrogant.

Honestly, despite having to suffer the orange walls and Skyfire's proximity, Starscream thought the whole thing was a lot of fun. Waiting to see which side would give to ancient anger first.

“We believe we can patch into Skyfire's mind, make contact to rouse him from this forced stasis. That should permit Soundwave room to break free.” Optimus explained in terms Starscream assumed was previously broken down to the Autobot leader. Small, simple words, easy for anyone to understand and make Prime sound oh-so sure of his team.

“Then why haven't you?” Ever suspicious, Starscream felt Skywarp's wing brush his own as his trine mates lingered behind him. A comfort he did not expect.

At this query the Autobots appear sheepish and small, Starscream almost laughs. But it's a sour sound, one Megatron acknowledges with a frown.

“Because you can't.” Starscream cradles his grinning face behind a stretched claw as Autobots scowl and look away. “I see why you insisted I accompany Megatron now.”

“Enough Starscream,” Megatron orders now facing where he can look over his cackling Second yet still keep Prime in sight. “Explain yourself.”

“We aren't privy to Skyfire's bypass sequences.” Ratchet receives several looks for admitting to it so quickly, but doesn't seem to care. More concerned for his patient than their pride. “And we don't have time to hack it.”

It's a personal thing, dangerous in the wrong hands. All Decepticons are expected to surrender their sequence at time of recruitment but Autobots are stupid and prudish things. It's a matter of trust after all, almost intimate. And only two living creatures know Starscream's.

One being Soundwave who kept all records.

And the other being that pale idiot lying on the floor like fresh kill.

Realization is an adorable look for Megatron and he forgets Prime to pin Starscream with a look. One not of surprise but caution, knowing well enough what that means. And it’s strange really, the rare times Megatron can look sympathetic.

By Primus Starscream hates it.

 

They give the Decepticons time to confer, Hook and Scrapper joining their discussion. The one time Starscream wishes Shockwave were present would of course be when the mad mech was far, far from retrieval. Unfortunately without Soundwave around to dissect the situation, they are left at quite the disadvantage of intelligence. Even Starscream was willing to admit he was clearly out of his depth. Though one would not think so judging by his bitter grin and almost bored appearance.

“Whether they’re hiding something or not, Soundwave does only have a few hours.” Scrapper confirms after reviewing the data himself. “And it is a very Autobot thing to do, trust their enemy in hopes of mutual success.”

“They know Soundwave’s life is worth more than Skyfire.” Starscream interjects, examining the Autobots watching them from the corridor’s shadow. “We’re lucky they aren’t asking for more.”

“Do you think you are capable of this?” Megatron questions, voice strange in the strange situation. Starscream doesn’t care for it much at all.

“Oh, you’ll owe me.” Starscream sighs, his mind in utter turmoil but his wings do not flicker. That is what is giving his true demeanor away and Megatron is watching the lack of movement. “But I can do whatever it takes to return your precious Soundwave to you.” Megatron makes a noise of displeasure, nodding for the Constructicons to join Skywarp and Thundercracker in wait around their unconscious comrade. The more Decepticons the better. Though it was not Optimus Prime’s way to violate a truce, it was certainly how Decepticons expected all interactions to go. Paranoia was their greatest survival technique. Exhausting as it was.

“Can you share the sequence with another? Skywarp perhaps.”

“Not unless you want me to merge with my trinemate in the middle of the Autobot base.” Starscream spins his gaze, almost amused at the suggestion. “There's no guarantee that would work anyways.”

“Then we don’t have a choice.” Megatron addresses him privately, both keeping sights on their hosts across the base. Mimicking one another’s defensive stance, long-learned after how many years together? “Can I trust you with such a task?”

“Rescuing Soundwave or being so near Skyfire without supervision?” Starscream asks, tone bladed in expectation of a disagreement. Certainly Megatron wasn’t so foolish to bring this up here? He’d thought this argument had wrapped up some time ago - that they had grown past such fragile ego. “Don’t you trust me?”

“No.” Megatron grunts.

“Good.” Starscream tilts his chin upwards, giving his leader a long once-over before allowing the smallest failure in his guise. Wanting Megatron to at least witness the disdain he holds for their current predicament. “But I’ll do as needed. Not even Soundwave deserves to die by a human.”

“And Skyfire?”

Starscream wants to cackle - or scream.

“I’ll do as needed. Trust me on that.”

Megatron does, somehow, a miracle. Returning to Optimus and his band of relieved chromatic looking fools who scramble as quick as their limbs can carry to arrange the patch. Starscream reviewing their methods while simultaneously opening his field wide for his trine. The two preparing themselves just in case they need to pull their third back (whether the Autobots have considered this or not doesn’t matter. He needed a secondary exit that didn’t rely on the promise of his enemy to flip a switch).

Megatron hovers, standing across from Optimus while both mechs pretend not to be bothered at the other's presence. Such a waste of energy, he thinks. But some of Megatron’s fitted glare is for him, optics falling down to the unconscious pale shuttle. Dead on appearance and little more than that. A great white sore-spot on Megatron’s pride. No doubt they’ll be discussing this mess later. Starscream can’t wait. Ugh. What a bad day - only bound to get worse as he settles on the secondary table. Hook and Ratchet managing a somewhat respectable dance of motion as they attach hefty cords to delicate components.

“We’ll begin momentarily. Now, Starscream, there’s no telling where within Skyfire’s conscious you’ll begin but we'll get you as close to the malfunction as possible. Where the point of most activity is. Just be careful not to get lost in there.” Ratchet warns. “Just like Soundwave his mind is producing a dream state of sorts. You just have to get him to break the loop and we can---”

“Amazing, can we hurry up? I don’t like the thought of you ogling my form without defense for too long.” He smiles when a few Autobots groan and one or two look away as though caught. Megatron only grunts.

“In and out soldier.” He orders and Starscream gives a half-hearted salute and tries to remember why he’s fragging the old mech in the first place. It's certainly not for his bedside manner.

“Of course _Sir_.” Turns his helm back to rest back on the table and…

And he’s staring at Cybertron.

Unbroken, unblemished. A buzzing, brilliant city of motion and noise from where he stands. Clutching the railing of the balcony with a sudden panic as his spark simply aches at the sight still so vibrant before him. Of course it would be - Skyfire doesn’t have the same millions of wounds slowly cutting away at his memories as Starscream does. His memories aren’t so contaminated by the sight of these towers burning, of fuel soaked streets and the brutal crack of war across their sparks.

He pulls himself from the wretched image of what they’ve lost, turning around to see if he can pinpoint his target and really what did he expect? Skyfire to be a vague shape in the distance? A dream-warped visage he should run to and maybe slap awake? That would have been great.

But no.

Instead Starscream is turning and looking inside a home he’s not seen in years. Cluttered and undersized, the dormitories were never too impressive. Only by Skyfire’s specialty needs (his height) and Starscream’s yelling at the caretaker were they given such a larger suite meant for those with seniority. He’ll never forget Skyfire’s fragile expression of thanks when he was able to stand at full height in their room for the first time in years. Great wings tucked close, humbled. But bursting with relief and a warm smile that snares Starscream’s memories to this day.

The space is not as he last saw it years ago. When Starscream left this home he upended every desk, every bench. Tore shelves from the walls and smashed their work against each other until nothing of use was left. Until everything was scattered in brittle, broken ruin and no one would be able to intrude on what was abandoned here. He almost feels the crunch of that debris beneath his pedes as he steps inside, the suite clean as they ever managed to keep it. Ducking hanging wires and pinned experiments. Stolen (“ _borrowed_ ” Skyfire always insisted) display units and reprogrammed drones to serve their frantic needs.

Starscream’s mouth twitches to smile, servo gracing what felt almost real. The surface of a desk overwhelmed with data pads and document tomes. Bowing under the weight of research and cracked where Starscream would dig his once-blunt digits into the corner when anxiously studying. The habit only ever eased by the press of Skyfire’s hand against his shoulder, an encouraging word and a promise to reward Starscream’s latest success if he would stop breaking their furniture.

It had been so long, Starscream had nearly forgotten that he'd had a life before Kaon. Before war and fire and Megatron - which were sometimes the same entity...

“Oh, you’re home early!” A cheerful voice sends a creep of nausea down Starscream’s tanks. A voice he's not heard in so long - despite its owner screaming across battlefields and the corners of his mind.

Skyfire is smiling when Starscream turns to face him. Those stupid goggles sitting crooked across his brow, the smallest scorch mark down one cheek and he’s holding a metal box emitting a sulfuric scent looking undisturbed. Happy.

Rosy. That’s the word for it. Positively rosy as he sets aside his unseen experiment and with one step approaches, a befuddled look on his face and stops Starscream’s pulse dead with the upsetting peace of his existence.

He looked the same so many years ago, Starscream had almost forgotten how beautiful Skyfire was then. Naive and endlessly curious, actually a danger to himself. Trusting as one who'd never suffered the cruelty of another could be. Starscream had always only wanted to protect him. Preserve that smile.

“Did the meeting with the board go alright? I hadn’t heard of any chairs tossed from windows, so I assume well?”

 _“That was one time.”_ Starscream hears himself speak without speaking. It startles him, brings him to turn and look for the source but it’s only them two...

“It almost cost you a scholarship.” Skyfire reminds and softens his features, blue optics a special shade only found on this face. Starscream has seen a thousand worlds and that color only ever existed in Skyfire's smile. Only here could Starscream watch those intricate features shift and form a look so terribly gentle it blinded.

 _”They can’t afford to lose me.”_ Starscream hears his voice once more, like an echo bleeding from the walls of this wretched apartment. _”Now, not that I don’t love talking about me, but I have news.”_ That catches Skyfire’s interest and the large mech moves to find a chair much too small, focus never lifting from Starscream’s presence.

“Oh?” He sits with servos resting at the tops of his thighs, wings like draped banners down either side of his body. Framed by the mess of their collection - the cluttered crown of their work together closing in all around and Starscream realizes what’s going on.

“We got the funding. We can leave as soon as tomorrow.” He answers, beating the echo of the memory to the punch just to be the one to spark Skyfire’s next expression. The moment of confusion then blinding, brilliant light as his handsome face stretches into something overwhelmed - joyous as he rushes Starscream. Lifting him up from beneath the arms, pulling him close to the warmth of his chest and the vibration of such shameless laughter.

“Starscream!” His name is like a prayer on Skyfire’s voice. “Starscream this is amazing! We - You didn’t tell me you were going to the review - and you just - we have so much to do - we can’t leave TOMORROW!” He scolds but swings Starscream off his pedes, burying his face against the flat of his side where he usually rests when they sleep. Starscream remembering this now, moving his servos (clawed, bloodied things now where once they were blunt and cheap. He was one of a million and Skyfire only ever saw _him_.) to clutch either side of Skyfire’s helm. Stroke quiet lines down to his cheek and squeeze until the other lets out a sharp noise of complaint.

Looking up at him with such tenderness. Starscream forgot what that looked like, to belong to someone who only ever wanted to make you smile.

“You're amazing, I love you.” Skyfire so openly shares, chin against Starscream’s chest and Starscream believes him. Does now and did then when they would say it as if somehow it would protect them. He believed it when Skyfire told him the first time and when, broken spark and standing in snow, said it again as if it would change Starscream's mind.

“You’re dying, Skyfire.” Starscream answers and watches the strange flicker of emotion over the face of his former adored.

“What are you talking about?” Hesitant, but to be expected. Skyfire keeps him held but lowers his hands. Letting them face one another while Starscream doesn’t fight.

“You were shot and your mind was scrambled in battle. I was sent to retrieve you.” He explains, simple words that even Prime could follow. “This is just a memory on loop. It’s not real.”

Skyfire stares, quiet and frail as he suffers the likely preposterous suggestion. In his current state of delirium anything Starscream says will be met with doubt and suspici--

“All that I know.” Skyfire dismisses with a sigh. “But you said I was dying? That’s unfortunate.”

“You’re aware?!” Loses his composure, feeling a swell of annoyance where Skyfire’s once-youthful features begin to shift back into the weary look he’s worn since his awakening.

“Of course I’m aware.” Skyfire looks insulted. “I can’t access my subspace engine here - the clocks never move. To be certain I poured acid over my palm with no lasting damage. I figured it out rather immediately, though dying is a surprise.”

“Put me down.”

“Alright.”

Pedes meet the floor with an imagined crunch of wreckage and for a moment Starscream swears he can smell the old smoke of the computers after hurling a chair into them. The sparks made spectacular shapes in the dark that final night…

“I suppose impending death does make sense upon closer consideration.” Skyfire continues on, simply undisturbed by the current events as far as his handsome face expressed. “Stagnation of the mind, this loop would eventually devour my processor.”

“Not just yours.” Starscream adds, finding his composure dashed in the sound of Cybertron, alive, just past the illusionary home. Broken by Skyfire's comfortable stance within this fantastical tomb. “You took Soundwave with you. I'm here to pull you out.”

“Because you know my bypass code.” Skyfire says with the gentlest “aha” in his tone, standing so near Starscream like they didn't try to kill one another not so long ago. “How long have I been here?”

“A day and a half.” Starscream does better when screaming, or tricking. He was expecting to lure Skyfire with an argument, or find some startling means to rouse him but those methods seemed useless in the face of his patient lost partner. “How long has it felt?” He wonders how Megatron is doing on the outside? If Skywarp and TC are giving him live updates on his emotional state? Did they feel his pain when Skyfire greeted him with a smile?

“I've been through this loop seventy nine thousand three hundred and forty two times. Give or take a few as I was adjusting. it doesn't loop until I play along.” He motions to the balcony doors where Cybertron has stopped. The noise remains, the sensation of breeze as speeders and transports should be whizzing by. But nothing moves, frozen in place like dangling toys...or hanging bodies.

“Well, as much of a horror show this has been, I need to find Soundwave and you need to wake up.”

“Ah.” Skyfire answers.

“Ah?” Starscream repeats. “There is no _ah_. There is only you doing as told so we can rid ourselves of this inconvenience.” He flares wings as he begins looking for something to strike Skyfire with if he is incapable of doing it himself. “Or did you miss the part where you're dying?” And if Soundwave dies Starscream will have more to deal with than he wishes. Primus knows Megatron will be intolerable, they're going to fight again and he really doesn't have the strength to care.

“Then let me die.”

There's wreckage that wasn't there before, a glitch in the loop where Starscream can almost see how he left this apartment. Overturned and broken, scattered materials and broken glass at Skyfire's pedes. He questions if Skyfire can see it too? See the ruin he made of their home when he decided never to go back.

“I'm not listening to such nonsense.” He ignores the notion, rooting around the debris and organized chaos of their memories. Trying to recall where Skyfire kept his “lucky wrench”. That should be enough to knock some sense into him. “I have orders and don’t feel like listening to the tantrum if I fail. So start waking up at any time.”

“Starscream, you’re not here for me.” Skyfire doesn’t have to move to make Starscream feel crowded, his very existence is suffocating. Like having your greatest regrets shoved down your fuel line until you choke. “We can find a way to detach Soundwave, but afterwards I’m not interested in waking.”

“We don’t have TIME to experiment.” He throws a broken datapad at Skyfire and when the other catches it, the device is whole again. “And I’m not interested in being trapped in this nightmare.”

“This is a nightmare?”

“For me!” Starscream has to be still or else he’ll lose his thoughts, the world is changing ever so slightly and he can feel echoes beginning to creep up behind him. Shadows he’d rather not face. “I don’t know how you suffered this for so long, this wretched little apartment. Reliving this pathetic time where…”

“When we were happy?” Skyfire stops him with the brittle statement, looking both fragile and fierce at the same moment. A terrible trick of the light, Starscream thinks. Nothing that should cause his spark to stutter and his torso to clench with unfounded pain.

“This is an illusion Skyfire, our lives are out there. Not stuck in this poor facsimile of the past.” He kicks a stack of metal, sending components and once-treasured experiments flying across their home. It brings Skyfire to wince, take a step away at the violence of it, of how little Starscream cared. “And I intend to go back to it.”

Skyfire always looked so tragic when confused. The gentle crease of his brow, the worried sheen across blue optics that once Starscream knew how to settle - but now was the cause of.

“Do you love Megatron so much that our life means nothing to you now?” He asks as cruel as a bullet through Starscream’s spark and twice as lethal.

“Don’t be stupid,” Skyfire wasn’t stupid. He was soft and uncalloused by the years missed. Safe from the horrors of the universe in his frozen grave just waiting for the moment when Starscream would find him again. It took time after his “return” for Starscream to admit it would have been better if Skyfire had stayed in the ice. “I don’t love Megatron.”

“You’re--”

“But I **need** him.” He stands tall in the face of everything he didn’t want to do. Against a face he’s only going to wrinkle with hurt and honestly Starscream has done nothing so vicious in his life than willingly hurt Skyfire who’s looking at him with such confusion it stings. “Look at me, see what your memory has me as?” He waves the blunt claws, the stock-colored body that makes him sick to see. This form he shed at the beginning of the war. “That was Megatron’s first gift to me, my own shape. My own identity free of the thousands of others just like me. He freed me from what I was.”

“You hate him.” Skyfire reasons, grasping at straws.

“So? I can hate him him and need him just the same. Just because that need takes different shapes doesn't make it less crucial.”

“He hurts you.”

“And I hurt him.” Starscream defends what he knows to be true. “And sometimes I need him to hurt me and sometimes I need him to be gentle and sometimes I need him to hold me down and remind me that I’m just as mortal as I was when I lost you. THAT’S what you’re not understanding Skyfire. I don’t love him but I need him.”

There’s another glitch and for a moment the apartment was bomb shocked and broken, the same fractured visage as when Starscream left and never came back. He thinks this time Skyfire can see it too, his wounded face turning down so he doesn’t have to confront it. Doesn’t want to see Starscream for who he is now.

“I hate the world out there.” He speaks, exhausted, and if Starscream could he might offer comfort. But he forgot how to do that long ago. “In here I can at least be home, as I remembered it.”

“But it’s fake.”

“It’s better than what’s waiting for me!" So rarely did he yell that it startles Starscream, has him standing rigid in the brokenspark shadow of his former partner. “Even if it kills me I’d rather die in here than let what’s out there kill me slowly!"

“You’re selfish.” Starscream claims with a hiss, his voice now how he might address Megatron in a true fight. Threatening and insulted while Skyfire can’t seem to reconcile the image of how he once was - to how he is now.

“I’m selfish?!”

“Yes! I came in here at great danger to myself just to save you - and this is how you repay me? With suicidal declarations and utter dismissal of my choices!” Starscream grabs an emptied canister, lo-grade as it was all they could afford at the time, hurling it at Skyfire’s head and watching it pass greatly missing the target. “I don’t want to die with the past!”

“So why won’t you let me?”

“Because I love you.” The words slip out, earnest and angry. They don’t hurt when he says it, they don’t sting like the lies he spins each and every day - but the sudden vacancy of sound which follows does ache. Cybertron’s symphony melting away, the illusion dwindling down until it was just they two. Standing unguarded in a room which was no longer their home, Skyfire polished and young as he was that day - Starscream scarred and sharp as he is now.

“You still love me?” Skyfire sounds broken at the question and Starscream only raises his claws, motioning for Skyfire to come closer which he obeys. The shuttle having to almost kneel to rest his face between Starscream’s outstretched servos. Submitting to the unfamiliar shape of them as they tried to recall what it was like to be so close without a weapon between them.

“Of course I love you.” Starscream freely says the word, but knows he shouldn’t. It doesn’t feel good to say them, it’s not a relief or weight from his spark - more like the reminder of the cage he put Skyfire in all those years ago just so he could survive day to day.

“Starscream.”

“But I don’t need you any longer.” Those great shoulders slum and he feels Skyfire shake within his grasp. A small, pathetic reaction to a truth more concrete than Skyfire’s wistful hold on the past. “You can die on your own time. I have something to accomplish and I won’t let you stand in my way.” This being, which used to be Starscream’s sole purpose for living, looks so small now. No longer the unfathomable giant tied to his spark, the scale by which he once judged his own worth. Starscream no longer _lives_ for anyone but himself and thrives to spite plenty others. Skyfire was just going to have to understand.

But that was no longer Starscream’s concern.

“I need you.” Skyfire answers in mourning.

“And I’m very sorry for that.” He strokes the broad cheek, the lower lip, wondering if kissing Skyfire would kill him faster than this mental disintegration could? Probably. He’s cruel but he’s not that cruel, and if he has to kill Skyfire one day it will not be like that. “Wake up now, before you kill us both.”

“I could never hurt you.” Skyfire says, optics offlining and entirely trusting - because he’s a fool and doesn’t know when to stop.

“That makes one of us.”

 

 

 

 

 

When he wakes Skywarp is the first in sight. Helping him sit up while Ratchet’s voice repeats again and again “Skyfire”. The sound of movement to his left, but Starscream doesn’t have to look. He can sense the pale shape stir, the large frame moving from his position on the floor. That doesn’t concern him.

What concerns him is the confused look on Soundwave’s masked face as they regain their sense of self, allowing Thundercracker to aid them all while Megatron oversaw the proceedings.

“It worked.” Skywarp spoke in relief as Starscream’s pedes hit the floor and he just wanted to start running.

“Well enough.” He searches for comfort in Megatron’s gaze, the other still focused on the Autobots surrounding, and turns away before his momentary slip can be caught. No need to add fuel to the fire. He reaches Megatron’s side as Soundwave is brought close. Skywarp counted heads and moved to grasp their wrists.

Starscream just wanted to go home.

But his home was burned long ago on Cybertron.

“Starscream!” Skyfire’s voice is unwelcome and sharp, causing the Decepticons present to look while Optimus Prime dares to break Megatron’s stare. Stepping past to address his weary soldiers. “Starscream, wait.”

Megatron turns down to look at him, but Starscream doesn’t look back. He doesn’t want to see Skyfire, he doesn’t want to see Megatron’s expression. He doesn’t want to know.

“Let’s go.” He orders and squeezes Thundercracker’s arm for support, giving in to the sharp crack and the familiar sensation of breaking down as they teleport away.

\---

The base is cold, but again it’s always cold. Same as the Nemesis and why his seekers willinging bed ground pounders and off-builds: to syphon their warmth when trine huddles were simply not enough. A tactic even Starscream and his trine have used when their earlier exploits left wings shivering and desperation to battle the frigid cold of space meant even lowering his high standards.

Starscream accepts the cold now, has learned ways to manipulate his sensors to not read the pain as his wings go stiff in the low temperatures. He could activate his shielding, that which grants him freedom to move through space without freezing to death - but that would take up energy.

And Starscream had nothing to spare.

The monstrous vastness of the sea reminds Starscream of a hundred worlds he traveled before. Primordial or chaotic, each new organic more ugly than the last. His young life’s work no longer useful to his survival and even now he finds, staring out through observation windows in empty corridors, he doesn’t see this world like an explorer or a biologist. He sees it like a warrior wondering how long until it all burns away.

“You’re hardly quiet.” He remarks, forcing Megatron into the spotlight. Knowing the old gladiator was lingering for the past few minutes - just watching.

“Forlorn is not a good look on you.” Megatron comments, approaching with paced, even steps. Standing at Starscream’s left with arms clasped behind his broad torso. Facing the hideous ocean while his optics only watched Starscream.

“Everything is a good look on me.” He corrects and while Megatron spares him an amused chuff of sound, he knows his leader is expecting something more.

“How’s your dear Soundwave?”

“Not my current concern.” Megatron stops the attempt at crude play and Starscream is a little annoyed by that. He likes fighting when he feels like this, enjoys yelling over feeling. It’s easier this way. “I know what you did was not easy on you.”

“Oh,” He laughs, bitter and harsh. “Oh you have no idea. But I’ll accept your gratitude and promise we never have to talk about this again.”

“Perhaps, it is something we should discuss.”

Noble old fool. If Skyfire had half the scars Megatron bore within his spark then perhaps his former partner wouldn’t be so impossibly stupid with himself. But there were no mechs like Megatron, no sparks as wounded and yet still pulsing. Refusing fate’s constant attempts on his life. No battle or frozen world would ever be enough to keep his leader down.

He adored Megatron for that, and hated him all the same.

“The only thing we need to discuss is that I will _never_ do that again.” Starscream announces, turning his chin to face Megatron so the other could not pretend to ignore him. “I don’t care if it’s Soundwave, or even you, I’ll let the next mech die before I do that again. Understood?”

Sometimes Megatron looks impressed with him, maybe even fond. He doesn’t delude himself into thinking the other could love him - or cherish him. You only get one of those in a lifetime and Starscream accepted that when he chose to leave Skyfire buried and lost in a chaotic world long ago.

But so long as Megatron needed him, that was enough for Starscream to survive.

“Understood.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> "Are you 10 years ago" by PVRIS
> 
> "Byskb v2m2" by Jack Garratt


End file.
